Reach Out and Touch Someone

Have you heard about the latest breakthrough in digital technology?  No, not the iPad 2 (now with two cameras but still no flash support!), not the new Android 8G Smartphone with inbuilt Gameboy (a crappy phone AND a ballsy game system), not even the new 4D Television from Samsung (see time pass before your eyes!!!).  No, I am referring to the latest news in crowdsourcing and infodynamics, not to mention other made up words like digitography and sensontology; The FleshMap Project.  Relying on the old adage that calling something "The ____ Project" makes it seem serious. Conversely, calling something "The  _____ Experience" makes it sound stupid and mildly sleazy.  "The FleshMap Experience"?  Yeah, makes me feel like I need to shower.  


Anyway, they had thousands of people indicate where they like to be touched and where they like to touch others.  They then digitally represented their answers in a simple graphic.  So, in a stunning insight into human sexuality, they discovered, through the most cutting edge technologies and exhaustive research, that men like to be touched on the crotch.  Seriously, here's the stunning graphic to back it up:

I mean, I guess it is mildly surprising that the genitals don't glow with the light of a million suns, blinding the viewer and causing the computer screen to erupt into flames.  But really, is this the best our technologies can generate?


But, to be fair, there is some interesting data coming out of the "project."  Namely, in the graphic showing where women want to touch men.  

To be fair, I don't know that the data set was only women, it presumably also included gay men and the other myriad sexual orientations drawn towards the male body (is bisexual still a thing, or did we decide that was dumb?)).  Unsurprisingly, the crotch is not as bright as men wish it was, but that's not what interested me.  No, it was the right forearm and both shins.  Apparently there are women (men/transgendered/small woodland creatures) who want to touch a man's forearm and shins.  But then, maybe they're just trying to stay away from the glowing crotch area, it does look like it might burst into flames at any moment.


But, in the end, all this study really tells us is that no matter what fancy new label you put on something, crowdsourcing is just asking a bunch of people their opinions, which are typically short-sighted, selfish, and ignorant.  And no matter how you gussy it up with digital representations, at the end of the day most of us just want someone to touch our special places.