Christmas Flipbook

Well, our Christmas was... interesting this year.  After our Christmas Eve festivities with my family (nothing says family holiday like caviar and vodka), and the Christmas morning extravaganza of Santa followed by more gifting and eating with family, we finally arrived back home in the late afternoon to celebrate our little family's Christmas.  It started off normal enough, almost Rockwellian in fact, with matching pajamas for father and daughter:

Then, well, it went weird.  Okay, to explain, my wife has always wanted a strawberry house for her dogs.  It's a dog bed.  Shaped like a giant strawberry.  Obviously.  They sell them in Japan.  Anyway, I finally relented and bought her one, and Kiki quickly became stuck inside it:

Soon thereafter she decided that she was going to get the party started by taking her top off (yeah, I'm looking forward to her high school years too): 

Then, well, things went downhill.  After being rescued about 14 times from the jaws of the strawberry house, Kiki threw a shit-fit because we didn't want her getting stuck in it again.  I know, worst parents ever:

Then, well, this happened:

But in the end, though it may not be everyone's idea of a perfect Christmas (or anyone's), we all enjoyed it (yeah, she's still totally naked):

Here's hoping your holidays were as joyous (and nudity filled) as ours.

Santai is Coming

Well, amidst the furor of the move and the extensive preparations for my post-Christmas birthday (I got a card!), we also had to make plans for Santa Claus.  Last year Kiki was not visited by Santa, because, frankly, she has terrible parents.  But this year, well, she still has terrible parents (okay, fine, just her father is terrible), but at least Santa did come.  


Well, Santai, as she calls him.  Though there is some debate, my wife thinks it's Santai, while I believe it's Santae.  Maybe because she's half-Japanese while I took latin and think Kiki's just pluralized it, or maybe it's because my wife is smart and I, well, I think the blog speaks to my mental facilities (ooooh, poop cake!).  Anyway, Santai/ae visited and brought Kiki a kitchen.  

Which, should be noted, she was annoyed with because the sink doesn't work and the microwave also does not actually heat things up.  Anyway, "Santai", after slaving away for 3 hours to build the kitchen (why send 13 pieces when you can send 3,744) just didn't have the energy to wrap it.  Thus, Kiki's first experience of the magic of Santai was an old sheet covering her big gift.  I think when she's older we'll explain that Santai does some more unusual things for her since she is an only child and he knows she's appreciate it, while most families have several kids to keep happy to Santai just sticks with the old reliable for them.  I know, I'm trying to figure out other lies we can tell her to cover up our laziness.  


But in the end, I think her first experience with Santai was a success.  I mean, just look how excited she was to thank him:

Happiest of Holidays to You and Yours

From all of us at Tulibo Incorporated, we wish you a Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Kickass Kwanza, Festive Festivus, Happy New Year, and, if the case may be, a Happy Birthday as well.  Keep smiling, and enjoy the holidays! 

Merry Christmas!

From everyone here at Tulibo Heavy Industries World Headquarters located in beautiful Ohio ("The Heart of It All", mildly more appealing though arguably less accurate than the runner up "Hey, At Least You're Not In Iowa!") we wish you a Merry Christmas, a Pleasant Post-Hanukkah Hangover, a Kick-Ass Kwanzaa, a Fucking Amazing Festivus, a Splendiferous Boxing Day, and a Wonderful New Year.

Christmas Time for Kiki

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting morbidly obese, and it's time to buy presents for Kiki for the first time.  Now, we've bought things for our daughter, you know, the exciting things like diapers and formula and even, sometimes when we're feeling crazy, a new pacifier.  Before you begin sending us donations for Kiki's well being (we accept cash and most major credit cards but no Discovery cards, we're not whores), let me clarify that we were lucky to inherit a vast assortment of clothes, toys, and baby paraphernalia from friends and family, so Kiki has not had to crawl around naked.  I'm not saying she hasn't done so, but she didn't have to.  It was her choice.  What can I say, she's a free spirit.


But this Christmas, her first Christmas, we've decided to go all out.  No, we're not getting her a combination bathtub and changing table.  Nope, not a whirlpool child bath either.  Not even a combination whirlpool bath and changing table (I don't think it exists, but just in case I'm putting a patent on it.  By the way, saying "I put a patent on it" in your blog will hold up in a court of law, right?).  No, this Christmas, her first Christmas, we're going to do something really special, we're going to get her three of her favorite things:


1) Shoes
What can I say, my little girl loves shoes.  Mainly hitting them on the ground, smacking them, and especially licking them, particularly the soles.  My wife is less than thrilled with this new hobby, since, apparently, shoes are dirty (I know, it's a weird Japanese thing).


2) A refrigerator
Not a full size one, that would be ridiculous.  Just a mini-fridge.  She thoroughly enjoys slapping the outside, looking inside, and, if unattended, attempting to climb inside our current refrigerator.  So, being the smart, thoughtful parents that we are, we figure we'll get her a little one of her own.  


3) Boxes
Yes, like all sub-four year-old humans, our child loves boxes, and why wouldn't she?  They're brown, boxy, and smell of cardboard.  All the things little girls love.  And, being creative, enterprising, and thrifty parents, we're saving the earth and our wallets by re-gifting the boxes her other gifts came in as separate gifts.  It's what Jesus would have done.