A Rose By Any Other Name

Much like Eskimos and snow or prepubescent boys and breasts, my wife and I tend to generate lots of names for the things we love.  We've had many names for each other and our pets, but then our daughter came along and, well, we went all stupid.  Thus, our daughter, Akira Elise, has been alternately called:

Kiki

Keeks

Keekster

Doodle

Monster Mash

Pumpkin Pie
Squishy Face
Tiny Dinosaur
Baby Bear
Sy Snoodles
Peach Face
Squeakers

Pretty much anything except Akira.  Actually, everything but Akira.  I think we're mathematically more likely to call her Abraham Zebbediah Jackson than Akira.  But you've got to admit, Zebbediah is fun to say.  


Yeah, so she's never going to figure out what the heck her name is, but we figure if we give her enough nicknames than any noise she hears will sound like one of her names.  That way we can just yell anything and she'll respond, which will be helpful if I ever have a stroke.  I'm just trying to plan ahead here.  

The awesome power of naming

According to anthropologists (or, more accurately, an anthropologist, I think his name was Bob), "naming is one of the chief methods for imposing order on perception."  

Which, er, means, well, something profound I'm sure.  And many believe that names carry power.  Just imagine if Oprah had been named Bertha.  Yeah, something about "Bertha's Book Club" just sounds like it would only contain cookbooks... about pie.  Mmmm, pie.  


But I digress.  Most of us are rarely asked to name anything in life.  Maybe a pet hamster (Mr. Pickles!) or a dog (Doctor Marmalade!), maybe even a product (Crystal Pepsi!).  But then we become parents, and we have to name a human.  Suddenly Xerxes and Tulibo are no longer 'suitable.'  No, we need to come up with a 'real' name for our child, something that fits a variety of conflicting goals. 


1) It must be serious enough for an adult but fun enough for a child.  You can't have a 3-year-old named Sebastian Chrisphersonville Jackstonian Ruperacton XIV.  Yet, you don't want to create a 42-year-old mother of 4 named Boopsie McChuckles.  


2) It should have meaning without being bizarre.  Naming your daughter after the Greek goddesses of Trees and Memory sounds like a fair idea.  Yeah, I'm sure little Mnemosyne Dendritus will be thrilled.  


3) It should be uncommon without being strange.  You don't want her to be the 17th Isabella in her class, but you also don't want her to be the only Samiyah in the tri-state area.  


So, you work and work, and finally come up with a name that you and your significant other love, something that really captures the essence of this little person you are going to create.  And then she's born, and within a matter of weeks you find yourself referring to her as "Doodle."  Yeah, we should have just named her Dendritus.