Alright, yes, Wikipedia is somewhat nifty. How else could you can find out all the facts there are to be known about Fictional Plants or Yatytay, Paraguay? That's obviously invaluable to the betterment of society. But my beef with them rests on three pillars.
1) You're internet based. Thus, you have zero credibility. Look at MySpace. I rest my case.
2) You're created by an unpaid, largely anonymous group of know-it-all nerds. Paid nerds have accomplished amazing things (science, medicine, internet porn). But left to their own devices in their leisure time the best they've come up with is Dungeons and Dragons.
3) You take yourself too seriously and have no sense of humor about yourself or the world in general.
Yes, I am very thankful for number three, otherwise I would just be describing this blog. Then I would have a beef with myself, and as any butcher will tell you, self-beefing is not to be encouraged. In fact, it is currently illegal in 17 states, "seriously frowned upon" in 10 others, and "not mentioned in polite company" in the remainder. Well, except for New Hampshire, where I think they provide tax breaks for self-beefers. But New Hampshiranians are batshit crazy anyway.
"But Tulibo", I hear some of you saying (or, "Pero Tulibo" from my readers in Yatytay), "I cannot challenge the first two pillars of your argument, for they are solid and strong, like the mythical Wroshyr trees of Kashyyyk. But I do not see the reasoning for your third pillar. Please, enlighten me."
Well, dear reader, prepare to have your socks blown right through your shoes.
A brilliant, engaging, and thorough history of the life and times of Count Chocula.
Exhibit 2: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Count_Chocula
The current Wikipedia page on Count Chocula. Not interesting, not informative. All but useless.
Why the edit? Why did Wikipedia remove this stunning example of fictional history? Because it isn't true.
Bullshit, Wikipedia. Prove it isn't true! Huh? That's right, you can't. Because he's a fictional fucking character.
There is no truth, it's a goddamn breakfast cereal. So then what does it hurt to have a hypothetical history of the Count? Nothing. Okay, maybe Billy Thompson, the third grader in Grand Rapids who is doing a show and tell next week on Count Chocula. But, let's be honest, Billy's kind of fucked in school anyway. A successful show and tell isn't going to help his future prospects.
But Wikipedia can't stand to have something "untrue" in it. Well, guess what Wikipedia? You're full of mistakes, falsifications, and outright lies. You're created by the general public. And they're self-serving, egocentric, asshole idiots (no, not you dear reader, you're delightful... and attractive... and smell vaguely of cupcakes). So please Wikipedia, get over yourself, relax, and let a few known falsifications stand for the entertainment of us all. I'm personally much happier living in a world where Count Chocula started out as Ernst Choukula's Golden Wheat Muesli, a packaged mix intended for horses, mules, and the hospital ridden.
Hahaha, that Chocula stuff is great. "In fact, Tunisia's 'Carthagian Sand Crunch' was seen as the first imitation of the Choukula form; the aforementioned product was presented in broad leathern bags with the woven insignia of a nude tribesman holding a sword and a bunched stalk of oats."
ReplyDeleteBTW, you're again the #1 hit when I google for "tulibo". There is some justice in this crazy world...