Step 1) Come home. Okay, for this step you need a home. But really, if you're reading this chances are you have a computer (unless you are reading this psychically, in which case nice work), and if you have a computer then you should have a home. Thus, by my accounting, this step costs nothing. If, however, you are homeless than I am sorry for you, I wish you the best of luck, but think it is going to take more than three steps to fix your situation. Probably more like six or seven steps, and that's just beyond the scope of this simple little blog.
Step 2) Have your wife and 18 month old daughter waiting outside for you. Okay, maybe you don't have a wife, but a girlfriend, husband, boyfriend, platonic life partner, or even friendly stranger should work. Ah, now you say you don't have an 18 month old daughter. How about a son? No? Hmmm, what about a very personable dog? Nope, not that either? A cat? Even a very vivacious fish? Nothing? Hmm, alright, steal a kid. Look, it's totally worth it, this is going to work out for you. But I don't mean steal in a terrible abduction/ kidnapping kind of way, just borrow them for an hour or so, you know, like a library book... that talks.
Step 3) Have them blowing bubbles. Then, join them. It's amazing, all your stress and worries will be born away on the eddies of air along with those little soap bubbles. It's helpful if your stolen child can say "bubbuls" continuously, ideally with a slight lifting in tone at the end. It's kind of awesome. Oh, and for the record, buy your $3.00 worth of bubbles from Gymboree, they are made of some sort of NASA engineered polymer, we've found them literally two days later still intact.
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