Douchebaggery

So, I succumbed and bought a bluetooth headset. I can say it is so I can drive more safely. I can quote the studies of heating of soft tissue and increased tumor risks. I can explain that I've already had one neck tumor and am not really looking for another (granted, the surgery wasn't that bad but leaking saliva from my neck wound for a month was less than awesome). But really, I think this is just another step in my gradual metamorphosis into a total douchebag. Now, I don't yet use product in my hair or tan. However, other, more insidious aspects have appeared in my life. Wearing white cycling shoes. Driving like a total asshole. Putting white bar tape on my bike. All my bikes. Color coordinating my gym outfits. Now some of these things have been a part of me for a long time, but others of them just seemed to, well, kind of happen. Which seems to me to indicate that they are representative of my true nature coming out. And now I have a highly visible 'dongle' on the side of my head that says to the world: "Hey world, I am WAY too busy and important to hold my phone up to my ear, I need this device to do it for me. If only I could find a gadget to wipe my ass and tie my shoes I could be that more productive, because I am an important motherfucker. You hear that world?" Yeah, it's retarded. But I do enjoy seeing myself in the mirror, because I can turn my head, revealing and hiding the earpiece and go from super-douche to normal douche in the blink of an eye.