Why not just suck on a flashlight?

So, being as I've written about a dozen posts and have hit the theoretical "blog-wall" I'm now using ideas from friends, families, strangers, and small woodland creatures (just wait until my squirrel post, it will change your life forever!).  So, Ross, thank you for alerting me to the disaster that is BluCigs


Please, take a moment to check out their site, I'll wait...

www.blucigs.com

Okay, and welcome back.


Yes, I am befuddled myself.  Well, let's start from the beginning, shall we?  Judging from their homepage, the number one selling point for this product is that it is "Made in the USA."  Now, I'm not trying to be unpatriotic, but first I want to know what the fuck a product is before I care where it is manufactured.  There are some amazing wood tick pesticides manufactured in northern Texas.  Doesn't mean I want to buy them.


Okay, moving on.  It appears their quality control motto is "It's All Good."  Since your quality control appears to consist of a jackass douchebag (just try saying "it's all good" and not sounding like a jackass douchebag) equipped with a tiny checklist with the very technical categories of Excellent, Good, Average, and Poor (what, there wasn't room for "Totally Bitchin'"), forgive me if I am hesitant to stick your device in my MOUTH.  I am always a bit reluctant to stick electronics in my orifices, especially when they contain lithium batteries.  For those of you who slept through high school chemistry, here's what happens when lithium meets water:

Neato!  But I can smoke it anywhere!


But let's get back to BluCigs sales pitch.  I mean, sure, you can look like a complete douche, and have the thrill of possible chemical burns on your face, but what do these things actually contain?  Digging a bit through their site, you find their language gets more and more vague and nonspecific the deeper you get.  In question #27 (of 27) on the Customer Service page, you will find this gem:


What are the ingredients in e-liquid?

The blu cartridges contain nicotine (in levels of high, medium, low and no nicotine), propylene glycol, flavoring, and other safe flavoring ingredients exclusive to blu. These cartridges come in various flavors and nicotine contents to satisfy the needs of a variety of users. Propylene glycol is a water based ingredient found in many health products and medicines. None of the ingredients in the cartridges have been found to be toxic to humans.

Really?  Really?  REALLY?  So, nicotine has not been found to be toxic to humans?  So, in their definition, something that can kill you isn't toxic, huh?  Interesting.  I guess this just falls under the "It's All Good" umbrella.  Pardon me if I am a bit skeptical when you're "high" nicotine product contains 16 mg of nicotine, also known as over 50% of the lethal dose for adults.  Or, 150% of the lethal dose for children.  Oh, and propylene glycol, also known as anti-freeze?  Yeah, it's water based in that it contains hydrogen and oxygen.  But, don't worry, the propylene glycol website (yes, it has it's own lobbyist site) reassuringly states that "actually, from a toxicological point of view, alcohol is more toxic than propylene glycol."  Okay, sweet, because no one has ever died from alcohol, right?  Oh shit.  


But hey, don't worry, "It's All Good."

It'll probably kill you...

The other day I was reading an environmental report on a building (I was at work, this is not the way I while away my leisure time, I don't do anything nearly that exciting) and was surprised, as always, at how pervasive asbestos used to be.  In tile, in insulation, in glue, in tape.  It seemed to be used in most everything except food.  Anyway, it got me wondering what the next common household item will be found to drastically increase your risks for cancer / heart attack / spontaneous human combustion.  You know, the kind of thing that in 10 or 20 years people will look back and say things like "Can you believe they used to put lead in paint?" "Do you remember how, when we were kids, no one ever used a car seat or bike helmet?" or "I can't understand why people ever thought drano was a good children's toy." Oh, maybe that last one only happened in my family.  Anyway, here's my list of guesses:

1) Lithium Ion Batteries: They're in everything; laptops, cellphones, and now cars.  And we've already seen that they can randomly explode.  Given Toyota's stellar safety record, how long until the new plug-in Priuses (Prii?  Priora? Priores?) begin exploding in balls of flame, incinerating their carbon neutral, greenie occupants (not so carbon neutral now!)?
2) Wireless Networks: Ah, the freedom they gave us to no longer be tied to ethernet cables!  Shame about the massive brain tumors they caused!
3) Bluetooth Headsets: No real reason for this one, just think of the irony if they were found to make you sterile, since using one makes you look like a huge dick.  Mmmmm, delicious irony.
4) Organic Food: Another one for the irony, but I can imagine a discussion in the future:
"Can you believe people used to actually pay MORE for organic food, that was processed less?"
"I know, right, how crazy can people be?  Didn't they understand that natural just means it is trying to eradicate those organisms that stand in the way of the growth of its species.  Like, say, it's main predator, man?  No way, just hand me another McDonalds brand steripak antimicrobo-meal.  Ooh, dehydrated, radiated, macerated, rehydrated, freeze-dried beef!  Yum!"

For right now, my money's on Li-Ion batteries, but my heart wants the headsets.