Schadenfreude, Rawa-dawa and the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon

In my further attempts to spread useless knowledge, the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon is when you, after having learned an obscure fact or word for the first time, encounter that item repeatedly thereafter. For instance, upon learning that dacryops is moistness of the eye, suddenly you will notice it everywhere.  Alright, maybe that example is a bit too obscure even for Baader and Meinhof.  But still, a good word to know, for all your eye wetness discussions.  Okay, after learning that the "internet" is this "web" of "networked" "computers," suddenly you will notice "websites" everywhere, on advertisements, magazines, even television ads.  It's uncanny.  Okay, fine, somewhere between dacryops and the internet lies the true realm of Baader-Meinhof.  


The first time I heard about the phenomenon was upon learning the meaning of schadenfreude, joy in another's misfortune, a very German emotion.  Suddenly it seemed to appear in every book, article, and show I came across.  This led me to a discussion of this synchronistic phenomena, which I was informed had a name.  Yep, good ol' B.M.  Wait, that just means bowel movement.  Hmmmm, B-M phenom?  Nope, that just sounds like a phenomenal bowel movement.  BaadMein?  Meh, not in love with it but it'll do.  


Anyway, a word I recently learned and hope to see a lot more of (to be BaadMein-ed?) is rawa-dawa.  It is "the sensation of suddenly realizing you can do something reprehensible, and no one is there to witness it."  Now, you may not think you have much use for such a phase, but just wait.  Now that is has been planted in your head it will start to fester, and taint your thought process.  Pretty soon you'll be seeing rawa-dawa everywhere you look.  You can thank me later.  

Only The Lonely

Well, my wife and daughter are off in Japan, and in preparation for my upcoming trip to meet them I stopped by the local Japanese grocery and bought some foodstuffs to keep from starving while on my own.   

When I unpacked my groceries at home I was surprised to find actual directions in English on the noodles.  I had assumed it would all be in Japanese, and I had planned on just boiling them for about ten minutes and then, you know, eating them.  Oh, what a fool I was.  No, nothing that simple will suffice for these.

Alright.  Let's take it one step at a time.  Here we go.  

Step 1. Put noodles scatteringly in boiling water little by little, turn the fire low when spout out, boil continuously for about 12 - 13 minutes without changing temperature of water, put out the fire, wash in water and put noodles in a basket to drain off water.

First off, in what world is that one step?  Let's break it down a bit more, shall we?

Put noodles scatteringly in boiling water little by little.  Clunky phasing, maybe, but understandable.  

Turn the fire low when spout out.  Um... what?  I'm assuming "spout out" means returns to a boil?  Sure, let's assume that and move on.  

Boil continuously.  Is this really a problem?  Are a lot of people boiling things intermittently?

For about 12-13 minutes.  Could you be more unsure?  Didn't want to add "maybe" to the end of that?  Have they actually tried cooking these noodles before writing the instructions or are they just guessing?

Without changing the temperature of the water.  Well, I hate to pick nits (alright, I live for it), but how CAN you change the temperature of boiling water?  That's the whole point of boiling.  

Put out the fire.  Wait, I had to build a fire to cook these?  Crap, this is seriously authentic.  

Wash in water and put noodles in a basket to drain off water.  Okay, at first blush this seems understandable.  But wait, do I drain the boiling water off first?  I need a basket too?  I already had to build a fire and now I'm weaving baskets?  These noodles better be amazing.  

So, we've got some cooked noodles (and a new basket too!), let's move on to some serving suggestions.

Step 2. In addition to serving it as ordinary Udon, it can be served as Miso Nikomi and/or Yutsuke Udon by floating noodles in hot water and dipping them in the stock in another receptacle with spices such as green onion, laver, etc.

Okay, fine, I won't serve these as "ordinary Udon" (way to sell it there, by the way), in fact, I will go all out and serve them at Miso Nikomi AND Yutsuke Udon.  So... I put them in hot water and then... uh... I make some stock?  I need several dishes?  Green onion is a spice?  What the fuck is laver?  Oh, it's a traditional Welsh dish of seaweed.  Obviously.  And how exactly would I make Miso Nikomi versus Yutsuke Udon?

Hmm, this all seems quite complicated, can't I just put a sauce over these noodles and treat them like good ol' spaghetti?  Oh, look, here's step 3!

Step 3. It can also be served as spaghetti style by boiling noodles hard, frying and seasoning them with ketchup, etc.

How do I boil them hard?  Does that mean boil them until they're hard (no time at all, since they're dried pasta and start hard) or boil them hard, as in vigorously, as in for a long time?  Now I need a fryer too?  Fuck!  Oh, but I can them season them with ketchup AND etc.   Mmmmm, that sounds delicious!

Parenting Craps

Once again, dear reader, we delve into the world of worthless, stupid, and needlessly complex (not to mention expensive) baby products.  The topic this week?  Cleaning your child.

Yes, unfortunately, no matter how high tech your wipes and diligent you are about changing their clothes, eventually, after a month or two at least, your child will need to be cleaned.  

Now, you have many options.  You could shower with them, but then you have a small, slippery, wet, squirming item you're trying not to drop.  It's like showering with an oiled watermelon, but much less hilarious (and delicious) if/when you drop it.  You could bathe it in the bath, but the tub is kind of big and the baby is, in case you didn't notice, kind of small.  

So, if you're with me thus far, we've entered the world of baby bathtubs.  Now, you could buy a cheap and simple plastic tub that sets in the tub, fills from the spout, and drains with the innovative "dump it out" technology.  This would cost about $12, and would obviously show to the world that you may like your baby, but don't really love them.  

No, if you really, really loved your little one, you would spring for something that would get them clean while also showing your love and devotion.  You know, something like this:

No, your eyes aren't playing tricks, it's a whirlpool bath for an infant.  Once again, in case you're brain refused to process that the first time around, a whirlpool bath... for an infant.  Yes, I am baffled as well.  And just for those of you who think I scoured the internet to find this obscure and almost non-existent product, they're disturbingly common.  Seriously.

Really?  Does your baby need the bubbles to massage their stress away?  With a normal tub they are gently hand-washed from head to toe, carefully dried off and then dressed in clean clothing.  This isn't luxury enough? 

But, if even a jacuzzi bath just isn't extravagant enough for your special little one, you can always combine the bath with another item, to have the double benefit of making them both less functional while also more expensive.  Yes, something like a combination changing table and bathtub.  

The bathtub is under the changing table... in one of the drawers maybe?

And all for the low, low price of $892!

But, if you really want to be on the cutting edge of bathing, what all the cool parents are using is the Spa Baby, a "european style baby bath".  Because Europeans are so well known for their personal care standards.  It's a lot like a bucket... in fact, almost exactly like a bucket:

In case you're confused, the Spa Baby is the one with the baby in it.  As far as I can see, the only difference between the Spa Baby and a bucket is that with the Spa Baby you don't get a handle.  Oh, and it costs $41 more than the bucket.  Yeah, that makes sense.  No better way to show your love for your child than buying unnecessary and expensive crap.  Me?  I'm waiting for the Travel Spa Baby.  It's only $67.  And it's got a handle, for bathing on the go!