Sell Sell Baby

Well, it had been almost 14 days, so it was time for another trip to our local baby supply depot.  This time, being wild and crazy parents, we chose to hit "Buy Buy Baby" instead of our old reliable "Babies R Us" because, what the hell, maybe they have some even dumber products.  And we were not disappointed.    

First off, what the hell were they thinking with that name?  Buy Buy Baby?  Am I the only one who imagined a black market baby exchange?  Well, needless to say, I was disappointed from the start, since I was really curious what Kiki would trade at.  But instead of boards showing the exchange rates for the various ages, ethnicities, and cuteness on offer, I was greeted with stacks of baby crap literally to the ceiling.  I mean, it's great that you carry crap, but do you need so much of it?  How many of these are you really going to sell?

I mean, just what the fuck is that?  Do you need 300 in the stores?  Is there going to be a run on... what IS that?  Is it just me or does it seem strangely sexual, in a creepy furry gross kind of way?  As far as I can tell from their website, it appears someone had a lot of surplus beanie babies, so they just glued a pacifier on them and sold the whole lot to BBB.  BBB means "Buy Buy Baby" if you didn't get that.  I got fed up with typing something as inane as Buy Buy Baby over and over, so instead I shortened it and then proceeded to type it twice in explanation necessitated by trying to avoid typing it once.  Stupid store.  Anyway, I guess it does fill a need in the marketplace.  You know, if you're child loves pacifiers and you just wish there was a way to make it appear they were making sweet mouth love to a stuffed animal, well, consider your wishes (however sick and perverted) granted.  

Delving deeper into the store, I was delighted to find my favorite bathing device, the bucket:

Oh, sorry, POD.  It's apparently inspired and designed by "european"?  What?  That doesn't even make sense.  How can the same person design and inspire something?  They were self-inspired?  And grammatically it is weak at best.  European Inspired?  How so?  Because they use buckets?  So therefore, it was equally inspired by janitors, right?  But my favorite is the tagline: The Most Natural Way to Bathe Baby.  Really?  A bucket is more natural than, say, a river?  Or a stream?  Or a puddle?  Or letting a dog lick her clean?  Or a powerwasher? Alright, maybe not the last few, but in what way is a bucket any more natural than a bathtub?  To be fair, maybe the pod is made of something more natural, like wood or smashed up ants, that makes it more natural. 

But lest you think we are cruel and heartless parents, parading our daughter through the store, mocking everything and buying nothing for her, we did get something for lil' Kiki, though not from BBB...

Now, before you get all upset, we only let her drink three and she was not allowed to drive afterwards.